Poo poo platter...

Well well well, if it isn't all of you again...
so there's no taking number twos on the bus and that sure is a disappointment when you have to go in a porta potty at some random gas station off some random interstate in ohio, instead...that was NOT a good experience. I would rather go in the woods...Let me tell you - as if that isn't enough, my emotions have been a sort of poo poo platter within itself...

This whole trip has been a odd experience for me, with emotions running high, I wasn't quite so sure how I felt about it all. My way of dealing with my mom's disappearance has just been to do my best to stay me - happy and laughable and do my best not to dwell on it. I've done a pretty good job of that - I think...but sometimes it's just too much and I see how much pain some of the families of the missing are in, and I remember where I was at the time when my mother, Gina, first disappeared.

With everyone on the bus and in the band doing so much - sometimes I felt like I wasn't doing enough...but Joe, beautiful Joe, helped me to realize that that's my own way of dealing with it and I have to leave that space for myself to feel and to not pressure myself to talk about things I'm not comfortable with, etc. I'm already doing what I can and that is what I can do.

Missing persons are an odd thing because they all have different stories. I realized yesterday that I was frustrated with this whole tour because I was only thinking about how I felt about it...but then I thought about it and because each missing persons' case is unique to their own, as well as the individual and their families, of course there will be different ways of viewing it and feeling about it. The point of this mission is not for me to see to it that I feel alright about my mother's disappearance because I've already somewhat reached my own conclusion inside of my heart - but rather to help others out there to do the same, to find their missing loved ones or to find their own type of closure...even if mine is so different from theirs. I think part of my frustration was that these people are still in pain when I just want them to find a positive way of looking at it. But that is hard. It is all hard. I can't just expect everyone to be happy all of the time - we each need our time to feel and our space to not be pressured - just like Joe said. And there are still some days when I am in pain and ache for my mother to be physically next to me. I just do my best to stay me...happy, laughable...and feeling blessed for the things I have "FOUND" in life and for the things I have learned because of her disappearance. Like I said, it's an odd thing...but we all have to help eachother - as family and work through it and keep living day to day.

We were in Indiana yesterday and I was really touched by what some of the families had to say...I remember specifically a mother of a missing woman saying that, "we are all family. we are all one." I am one to stand by this statement...and it really felt like it yesterday and not just because we each have someone missing in our lives but because we care, because we are doing something about it, and because we are showing one another love.

Even in the midst of all the poo poo on the platter,

WE ARE ALL FAMILY.
I learned that I do have respect for different ways of viewing and feeling about the missing and that it's ok to take the time to feel that you need...no matter how long it has been since the disappearance, no matter how long it takes you...it's ok. That's part of what this mission is about - to help people get through that and to help them find what they need and the strength to continue...

I love each person on this bus so much...it's hard to explain, you're all such fantastic people and strong warriors...I am so thankful and proud of all of you.

And I have so much love for all of those out there missing someone in their life - and to the families of the missing that I have met...you are all strong!! Do not forget your strength to carry on. Keep loving and living!!!

WE ARE ALL ONE.
Connected. Feeling. Being. Percieving. Acting. Helping. Loving.

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
dread out.
annieSuN